Thursday, January 6, 2011

Not quite as planned

I had big plans to attack life using my mantra this week!  I don’t know about you all, but when I set a goal or find a new outlook, I tend to go for it with gusto right at the beginning.  So, I had “scary” on the brain.  

I made three attempts at things that scare me for vastly different reasons, and the universe just doesn’t seem to be cooperating.  

Attempt #1: I’ve been putting more and more thought into a graduate degree.  This is scary because of the expense and the amount of time it would take.  It’s a serious endeavor that I cannot enter into lightly.  This isn’t the same as going back to school to finish my bachelors like I did in 2006.  Then I was single, freshly divorced, and didn’t have anyone but the cats depending on me.  I wasn’t putting anyone else through hell but myself!  The financial risk of all the government loans I was taking on way mine alone.  No one else was affected if I stayed up till 1am finishing a project.  Just me.  Because believe me, the cats went to bed without me!  Or on whatever book I was trying to use at the time, like cats do.  Now, I have the husband.  We have a big house to keep clean and meals to make and a dog that demands lots of attention.  The debt we take on is both of our burden.  And while that should make me feel better, it really just makes me feel like a burden.  I realize he doesn’t see it that way AT ALL.  This is my own little paranoia.  

So, going back to school is scary.  On Monday, I sent out an email inquiry into a program.  I got some info, but no one could tell me if I should (or could) attend an orientation being held this week.  So, though I put myself out there, I really don’t feel comfortable going to the orientation this week.  If it were labeled “info session” or something along those lines, I’d be far more comfortable.  I just wish someone would have answered me one way or another.  I’m not even sure what my next action should be.  

Attempt #2: This involves my ring.  This one is scary because of the emotion behind it and the fact that I hate confrontation.  I will do just about anything to avoid a fight.  I don’t like fights!  I haven’t gotten into any confrontations with the jeweler about the ring, but I certainly am not happy.  The potential for confrontation is high!  

I marched myself into the store at lunch on Tuesday with a Project Get My Diamond Back on the brain.  I was basically shoo’ed out of the store in minutes.  No, I do not have my ring back, either in a new form or the old.  No, I still have not seen the artwork.  I was given another “time frame” and another “call you tomorrow”.  And yet again, I have received no phone call.

Attempt #3: Group exercise intimidates me.  I’m not the fittest.  I’m not coordinated.  I don’t like being the center of attention.  All of this adds up to the fact that when I’m supposed to do synced moves that require a certain level of fitness is nerve racking.  But I also don’t like going to a gym and cannot seem to motive myself to work out at home.  So, a fitness solution needs to be found.

I decided that yoga would be a good place to start.  There’s one on my way home.  I decided to seize the moment on that particular anxiety, and go to Tuesday’s evening class.  I’ve been assured by others that yoga is usually forgiving, and so I felt encouraged.  I pulled up to the studio 25 minutes before class, because I assumed there be some paperwork for payment-sake to find the studio completely dark and the doors locked.  So, I went home.  No yoga for me!  That one has a hopeful ending at least!  I emailed the studio and was told that they usually arrive 15 minutes before class, so I was just too early.  Then I recruited the Hairdresser to go with me this evening!  Fear hasn’t got a chance of stopping me when I have a friend by my side!

So, friends, I really did try to put myself out there this week, but it just seemed like fail after fail.  It left me rather listless by Wednesday!  I don’t really feel like I accomplished anything.  Perhaps next week will bring greater success?

Has anyone else had better success with their new years goals?

1 comment:

  1. The ring things really bothers me for some reason. I would bitchslap those folks and get your ring back. There has to be a better way!

    And I'm excited to hear how yoga goes for you!!