Thursday, September 30, 2010

The one ring

My ring.  What can I say? It’s been a process. 

When we got engaged, it was really unofficial, as I told you.  It was over chat , and he asked me what I wanted in an engagement ring… end a bit of a spat actually.  Trust me, it totally worked.  The chat turned to a conversation about us getting married which turned to planning.  All of that happened before my ring.  So, I sort of “worked” my way into getting officially proposed to.  Part of the delay was getting the ring.  

Going to a friend seems the way to go if you have a friend that specializes in such things.  So we did.  That began the process.  It took over two months before a ring was on my finger; a ring 1.5 sizes too large with stones and wiggled in their settings.  The ring changed sizes three times and the stones glued in.  I had to give it up twice for the sizing for a week or so each time.  We decided not to have anything more done with the ring until well after the wedding, even though there were things that I wasn’t happy with.  

Well, we’ve been married for seven months now, and I could stand it no longer.  I have once again been without my ring for over two weeks.  It’s been with a local artist, who was looking for accent stones of a more sturdy composition than the original peridot.  Stones were located and in store for me to see as of yesterday.  They’re lovely deep forest green sapphires, precisely 4mm square princess cuts.  I spent an hour with the jeweler yesterday, discussing options for how to proceed.  See, there was more than just a simple swap needed.  The prongs were asymmetric and damaged.  He felt they needed to be rebuilt.  The space where the mount for the diamond was between the side stones was actually too large for the diamond.  He wanted to narrow it.  Also, the diamond was actually crooked instead of square to the rest of the ring.  If he narrowed the gap to make the diamond mount look tailored to the stone, I would never be able to use my wedding band again. We can’t shorten the flat bit that is designed to fit against the stones because it’s engraved on the outside.  So, further discussion ensued about how we could redesign my wedding band, as I never liked the cuts that make it fit against the ring anyhow since they do not allow you to wear the band alone.  It would be nice to be able to leave the diamond at home for certain activities, you know?  

I left the store after an hour of conversation and a price estimate.  I told him to start work on my engagement ring.  I could wear it alone until I decided what to do with my wedding band.  I nearly cried the whole way home.  

Upon recanting the story to my husband, literally still standing in the doorway, he asked why I was going through so much trouble to try to make this ring work when it very obviously wasn’t making me happy.  And it isn’t.  The thought of putting so much more money into something we’d already invested a good chunk into makes my stomach flip flop.  Remember, I’m a tightwad!  

That’s not the only thing though.  I am experiencing a huge amount of guilt over my ring.  HUGE.  The perfect man is supposed to put a perfect ring on your finger, and you fall perfectly in love with the ring just as you did the man, right?!  And most if not all of this should happen while you’re blissfully unaware.  RIGHT??  Well, I did fall perfectly in love with the perfect man.  And I love my utterly perfect diamond, but there is little else I love about my rings: from the chipped and glued in accent stones to the visible blob of solder to the wedding band that cannot be worn alone.  

And I feel wretched about that, as if I’m just being a nit-picky psycho bride.  I’ve struggled with this guilt for 15 months, and I have just made myself sick over it.  I keep berating myself about how if I had just stayed out of it.  If I’d just told him that I would love whatever he picked out instead of looking at rings and telling him what I did and did not like about them.  If I’d just let him go to ChainStoreUSA and pick out what he wanted to buy instead of putting in my two cents…..would I have loved it then?  Would I at least feel less guilty about not loving it?  Without a doubt…..yes.  

But as the saying goes…..If ifs and buts were candy and nuts……it’s simply no good to dwell on the ifs.  And so, at the prompting and reassurance of my husband, I called the jeweler back and halted the work on the original ring.  I’ll be going in today to look at completely new rings that will accommodate the lovely rectangular radiant diamond as well as those deep green princess cut sapphires.  I’d like the keep the same feel as the last ring, so as to not lose the entire essence of what was given to me with so much love.  

I wish that things had happened differently.  But my husband keep reminding me that we considered ourselves engaged before the rings came along, and we’re married whether we wear them or not.  It’s not the rings that binds us; it’s the love and promises made that day.  How can you argue with that?!

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